Update

I've been long enough away that it's unlikely anyone will ever read this. There's a certain freedom in that, although I know that the internet is never as anonymous as it seems. I'm working now - working fairly hard, in fact - and looking for some guidance in regard to life's next direction. I'm hoping for adventure and seeking out my life's passion, but so far have simply learned that it's alright to spend some time sitting and waiting. I'm enjoying the sunlight on the too-few occasions when both it and I are out at the same time. I bake and distribute cookies when I feel that my work has no real significance and cook for people when the feeling grows stronger. I'm still addicted to my comfort zone but am at least acknowledging the addiction - and that's the first step to freedom, or so I hear. I miss my family, but I'm building a transient pseudo-family of sorts out here. We'll see how long it lasts. I'm singing again and learning guitar, but haven't found the courage to write anything beyond the odd journal entry and, of course, innumerable work-related memos. God has been very good this year and I'm thankful.

Bah

I hate this time of year. When I study, there's always a second level of thoughts going through my mind. All of the things I don't want to think about - worries, faults, disasters, personal failings, bad relationships, uncertainty - flow steadily beneath the surface of legal rules and academic articles. Because my main mental energy is focused on schoolwork, I'm unable to distract myself by shifting my thought patterns entirely. I periodically clear my mind by going off and doing something entirely unrelated to school but that often ends up adding another level of guilt to the subconscious stream. It's all very frustrating and unproductive and I always seem to end up out of sorts by the end of exams.

Would you like some fries with that?

I'm done my paper! Hallelujah! I hope to never think about the topic again.

Kjersti, the epic poem re: snails and the ends of the world was written during a short stint in the local asylum. In order to protect my works from the nurses (who were going to steal my ideas) I had to eat the manuscript as I wrote it. Write a line, eat a line, write a line, eat a line. This wreaked havoc on my digestion but seemed to be a successful means of protecting my intellectual property. Unfortunately I've now forgotten most of the poem. It was brilliant, though. Brilliant.

flavours of quark

While searching for the definition of "tortfeasor" last night (apparently my mind has decided to erase all memory of basic legal principles) I discovered that "strangeness" is, and I quote, "one of the six flavours of quark". I'm convinced that physicists spend most of their time reading James Joyce and creating whimsical names for things that may or may not exist. Clearly I've missed my calling.

flavour - defn. 5 (Physics): a quantized property of quarks with values designated up, down, charmed, strange, top, and bottom.
(Courtesy of the Oxford Concise Dictionary)


"I'd like two scoops of quark, please - charmed on the bottom and strange on the top, if you don't mind."

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In other news, I've wiped out my facebook profile. The amount of completely worthless procrastination going on there was getting out of control. I've also broken out in what appear to be stress-induced hives. Fantastic.

Technological Marvels Abound

One of my roommates just called us via cell phone from the bathroom downstairs to ask whether someone could go get some toilet paper. I'm pretty entertained. Technological marvels abound.

Think Happy Thoughts

I'm getting very panicky about school, so I've decided to take a few minutes to think happy thoughts and make some wishes. The happy thought is that I'll be home for a bit in just a few weeks. As for wishes, I've decided that if I can't have a pony I'd like the following:
*Good Earth Tea: my brother got me some of this when he was going to school in the states and it was wonderful. Absolutely delicious.
*Django Reinhardt: I'm not even sure if I've ever heard a recording of this guy, but he's got the best name ever and I love swing music, so I'm sure it would be excellent.
*Pablo Neruda: I would really like a book of his poems. Absolutely beautiful.
*Burt's Bees Milk & Honey Lotion: smells like the Promised Land.
*Brahms: my next CD purchase will be Brahms' piano concertos. I've been wanting them for a while. Maybe that'll be a post-exam reward.
*Jazz lessons: Piano lessons! What fun! I'd like to make some time this summer and find a teacher/coach who'll clue me into how I can get better at improvisation & stuff. Hopefully I'll make the time.
*Ryan Adams: although his music is more sad than happy, I love it.
*Apple crisp: I'm hoping there are enough apples in the fridge to make me one of these tomorrow. Mmmm for cinnamon and sugar.
*Kittens: I am getting a kitten when I graduate & get a place on my own. There was a Siamese cat in a window down by the water the other day and I just loved it. Dogs are lovable, but cats are so funny and independent and... clean. This would normally not be a huge factor, but after living with the two little fluffballs in this house I've decided that small dogs are not for me. Big dogs aren't an option until I have a farm or at least a yard, so a cat will have to suffice in the meantime.

blogthings again...

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul